Bancuri cu si despre Chuck Norris (Facts)
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was... Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women. Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing... Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between... When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck... The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and... Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper. chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only... If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period. Chuck Norris trick-or-treated as himself as a child. Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV. In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size.... Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was... MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany. The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough... Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face,... Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down! Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill. How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From... If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer. There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes. Chuck Norris has held the World Championship in every weight class at the same time. As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except... If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris can... There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris. There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on. Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight? When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of... When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it. It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any... Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is... Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an... If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank... Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the... July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? i think not. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the... Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north... When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred... Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would... Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your... There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control. Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous. Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one... They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one... Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet. CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-... Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it. Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia. Chuck Norris neither melts in your mouth nor in your hand. He shreds your trachea before ravaging... Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds. The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Chuck... Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is... Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of... Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear. Chuck Norris invented the question mark. If you gave Chuck Norris a typewriter and 0.000000000000000000001th of a second he can write the... If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero... Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun. Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale. Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting. Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill... Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck... Chuck Norris was once a knight in King Arthur's court. He was known as Sir Beatdown. Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that... Chuck Norris let the dogs out. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom. Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill. With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit. It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately,... There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber,... For every movie about Vietnam starring Chuck Norris, the historical duration of the war... Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires. Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to... Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not... Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off. Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand,... Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest.... Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris... If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever. Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa... When somebody yells "Last one in is a rotten egg!" Chuck Norris rotten egg. Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill. Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day. When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a... Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo. Chuck Norris make onions cry. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a... When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey,... Chuck Norris don't open no can of whoopass. He makes his own. When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000. When Chuck Norris sneeze, he don't say "Atchoo" he says "DIE EVERYONE!!!".... Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck... Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes. Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed. Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a... Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck... If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch. A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his... Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a... Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint. Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide. Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black... Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked... On Valentine's Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still beating heart of one of his enemies.... After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He... Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when... Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds. Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks. Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of... Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000... The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It... Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using... Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from... When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul. Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden... Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag. Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth. Before sliced bread, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Chuck Norris".... Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels. Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into... Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine... Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you... Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless... People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker,... Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope... TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger... When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken. If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick... How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and... Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and... Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the... Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement". In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including... Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the... Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call... The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher. He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris dies. Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie". Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time... Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in... Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular... Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their... Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse... A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is... Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow. Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg. Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple. On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it... When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders. In Desert Storm the reason why the Iraqi army surrendered so quickly because they knew Chuck... Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated. Chuck Norris once played rugby by... Chuck Norris is my Homeboy. "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of... Occam's Razor says that the simplest answer tends to be the correct one. Norris' Razor involves a... Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck... Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing... Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf. Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead. When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris kills all birds, with two... When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck... Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at... Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the... If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon... The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because... Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper. When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes. When Chuck norris found this web-site while surfing the internt, he round house kicked his... When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of... When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun... On the SAT if you put Chuck Norris for every answer you will score over 8000. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes. Chuck Norris CAN in fact 'raise the roof'. And he can do it with one hand. Chuck Norris wears Orion's Belt around his pinky toe and he eats with the Big Dipper. Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire. Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts". Chuck norris doesnt go at the speed of light, he goes at the speed of Norris Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick... There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He... Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost. The wind of Chuck Norris's round house kick can be felt from 1600 million miles away. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead. Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities... Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims. Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter. Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards. Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you. Chuck Norris is "The best a man can get". He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the... Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks. For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". HIS WAY. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris.... You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you’re Chuck Norris Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed... Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of... James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized... Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always. Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled... When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult. To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota. The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the... All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face. Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes. That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path... There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks. Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on... Chuck Norris does know what Willis is talking about! Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to... We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come... Chuck Norris eats lightning and farts thunder. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris. Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a... The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a... Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face... Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald... Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about. Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter.... The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings. Chuck Norris doesnt use after shave, he uses liquid hot magma. The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees. Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time... Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi. Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw... Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told. Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out. Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around... Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage... In an emergency, Chuck Norris can be used as a floatation device. Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes. When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money... The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck... The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down. Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one...one bad-ass that is. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined... Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows -... 70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick. There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist. Chuck Norris needs a monkeywrench and a blowtorch to masturbate. The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'. A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no... Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers. Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that consciousness is explained by the... Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle... Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy. Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run. The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die... The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his... When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them. Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents... Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and... Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist. Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot. Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful. A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states. Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks... Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse... Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky. Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten. Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move. In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease" Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts... According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you... There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris... Just kidding, Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition. Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know... Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card. When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies. Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years. Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors. Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground. There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck... Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a... Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause... Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe. Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered... Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio. Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. Chuck Norris once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower. The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS,... Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter. Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking... Chuck Norris's sweat has burned holes in concrete. Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood. 4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of... The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while... Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris. What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full... Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie... Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma. Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went... Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door. The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris' left and right hands, his left and... Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can... They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be... Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with... Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before... Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It’s actually many dinosaurs but... You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if... When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair... Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. Chuck Norris has never looked a baby in the eyes cause it might him cry but if he does it also... For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his... Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried... When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face. The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn't want get winded outrunning it.... Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol. Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil. Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one... Chuck Norris actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover. A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's... Chuck Norris likes long walks on the beach, Barry White music, Harlequin romance novels,... Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to... Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing... Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in... Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover. During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him... Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards. Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back. Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society.... Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't... Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the... Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars... Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly... There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live. When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was... Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror. Chuck Norris doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the can. Chuck Norris visits an active volcano every morning to get some of "the best damn espresso... Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal. Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder for the simple fact that his roundhouse kicks are... The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was... Chuck Norris has 3 knees on each leg. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck... Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths. Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked. Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius. Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier. The 11th commandment is “Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris” This commandment is... When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse... The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys. Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a... The world's fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Chuck Norris. The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8 roundhouse kicks a second. The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends" Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet,... Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-... The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy! Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries,... Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel. 182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer. Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex... There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black... Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone... Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves. Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings... Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of... Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We... Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself,... Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed... Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick... 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with... There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even... Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from... When Chuck Norris is ready to wake up, he tells the sun to get the above the horizon. Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage. Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical... After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a... MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick... Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them. Chuck Norris can taste lies. In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in... Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage. Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the... If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you. Chuck Norris' beard hair is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China. For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his... Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle. Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Chuck Norris wanted his nickname back. Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds. Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris... There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma. The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the... There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris. If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell "Crush Rock... When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied... Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car. Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks. Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet. Earth's emergency defence plan in case of alien invasion is Chuck Norris. Life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates. It is more like a box of Chuck Norris, roundhouse... The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death. Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in... When Chuck Norris goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of... According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been... Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn... In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris... For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is... When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but... Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops. Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is... Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by roundkicking them in the face. Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference... Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball. Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus. The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I... Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year. Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck... No matter what your mother always said, Chuck Norris can tune a fish. They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David... Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The... Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face.... Chuck Norris once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents. Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house. Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts. Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris. If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes. The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris eats a bowl of diamonds every morning. Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef. Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine... Scientists believe the world began with the "Big Bang". Chuck Norris shrugs it off as a... Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is... Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr,... In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization "Kick Drugs Out of America".... Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks. The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven... Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who... For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric... Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego. Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow. Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists. The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris'... Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he... In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a... Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case... Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics,... 
Acest site foloseste cookies. Prin continuarea navigarii, iti exprimi acceptul. Accept Refuz